The Fear Project: Dying

March 19, 2009

This is another one of my favorite stories so far.  Happy Thursday!

Well, I almost died that was pretty scary.  So this, um, this is kind of weird ’cause I, I haven’t really told many people about this… and so, basically, and I mean, I mean, not to be too crude, but I couldn’t poop for like two weeks.  This was the summer after my junior year of college, and I was in the process of getting ready to go on this internship in Washington D.C.  And, um… I just, I was in pain.  For some reason, I was stressed out, from everything… I wasn’t eating either.  Cause I was like stressed out… I don’t, I don’t know why.

So I went back home, to get ready for the trip, and that entire day, I just slept.  I had a fever… So I get down there, and pack up my things, and the entire time at dinner, I’m just like not eating, and I’m like “I have this pain in my left arm”, and I’m just like “I don’t know what’s going on.”  So my Dad says, “We should take you to the emergency room, just to be safe.”  So we go in and they ask me what’s wrong, and I’m like, “I don’t know my heart really hurts, my chest hurts, my entire left arm is numb”… basically giving the symptoms of a heart attack.  And they basically think I’m out of my mind, because I’m 21 at the time, and they’re like what 21-year-old has heart problems?  But after like an hour, they finally see me, and they do all these tests…  and the ER doctor comes back, and says “Oh my God, we think you have a blood clot in your lung, we need to operate right now.  If we don’t operate, you might die.”  … What do you say to that?  I mean I’m in the ER, I’ve got I.V.s sticking out of everywhere, my parents are bawling, the doctor’s asking me, do I have a will?  Because I probably should… because… you know, if something were to happen… And I’m thinking… okay, I’m going give this friend my CDs, and this friend my old piece of junk car, I mean… How much do you have at 21?  I guess my parents would probably get my college loan debt… I’m sure they’re excited about that.  And, and so, this ER doctor was like all gung ho to operate, but this other doctor is like no, we should do some more tests.  And he says like, we need to operate, he’s deadset that it’s a blood clot in my lung.

So, I wanna say goodbye to my friends, because, the way this doctor’s saying… I’m gonna die.  So I call up my friends, and I’m like “Hey…” and they’re like “Hey, what’s going on!”.  And I’m like, “Well, I’m in the hospital…”, “Oh… bummer, what’s up?”, and I’m like, “Um…. I might die…?” [Laughs] I mean what do I say?  I mean, it’s all very surreal and to be honest I didn’t believe it.  “So I’m like, well, this doctor says I might die… what’ev!”  So anyway, these people start praying for me, I get this little prayer group going… how evangelical is that?  I mean I’m very thankful… But really, how evangelical is that?

So anyway, this is like over the span of like four or five hours, I’m in this ER room.  Finally the cardiologists come in, and they say that, “You know, I don’t think it’s a blood clot”, like they’re arguing, in front of us, over the prognosis… or diagnosis, I can never tell those apart.  And my Mom is sitting there crying, I’ve never seen my Mom cry that much, and my Dad is crying, I’ve never seen him cry like that. So anyway, the cardiologist comes in and does some more tests… and um, he concludes that it’s two things.  This thing called mitochondritis and this thing called cardiocondritus.  Mitochondritis, or I might have it reversed, but one of them is an inflammation of the actual heart muscle, which makes the heart bigger.  Uh, cardiocondritus makes the outer lining of the heart inflamed, making it smaller, making this pressure on the heart unable to, uh, you know, pump efficiently.

So I had to spend the entire night at the hospital, missed my plane, was released like, 27 hours later, not sleeping, missed my next flight, and finally on Friday I left for D.C., with, uh, pills, the, anti-inflammatory pills, that’s what I walked away with.  Which I though was, like, a slap in the face.  After all that, all is get is these pills?  I mean, the ER doctor was saying, “You are going to die if I don’t operate on you.”  And I’m thinking, what doctor says that?  Without calling in a specialist or without someone to give a second opinion?  “You are going to die.  I hope you had a good life…”

…Oh, but the pooping.  Well, I told the doctor, and he said “Oh, that might be why.” … Because, you know, the stress of… living I guess, made me not to poop, which made me… I have no idea.  Yeah, like stress on my heart basically.  But I’m not really a very stressed-out person, I feel like I’m pretty care-free… So, basically they don’t know what caused it.   And every few months I have an EKG to make sure my hearts okay.

But when it does come up, though, I like to tell women that, I was in the hospital because my heart’s too big! [laughs hysterically]

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One Response to “The Fear Project: Dying”

  1. HA! I’m going to take one guess at who that story was from!

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